I have heard about stories of restricted movement order during communist era when I was young back in the 1980s. Of course I have also read about similar lock down situation during the Japanese occupation and 1969 tragedy. But never had I imagined that I would experience something similar in my lifetime, and even witness global pandemic at that. I heard of cholera pandemic before, and that is largely due to the fame of Love in the Time of Cholera book (and movie adaptation).
Instead of cholera, coronavirus dominates the highlight in the year 2020. It started in Wuhan, China in December 2019, and the situation became grave enough in January 2020 as it started spreading to other countries. Malaysia was not really affected initially, but with globalization, many people from affected countries travel to Malaysia and vice versa, it's hard to contain the disease within its original epicentre. Some Malaysians even mocked the situation in China, to the extent which I found inclining towards racism. WHO's stance of denial that this could become a pandemic also didn't help the situation.
In March, all hell broke loose in Malaysia where the number of positive cases have increased drastically. Anger and frustration filled the air while the positive cases kept emerging. Ironically, the Malaysian government changed during this time. Finally, COVID-19 was declared as pandemic by WHO and Malaysian government announced Movement Control Order for 2 weeks at first. It has been continued for another two weeks, officially making it one month control order.
I must say, being a quite extreme introvert, I kind of secretly, guiltily enjoyed the idea of being confined at home for a long period of time. Besides, I hardly go out except for work and errands even before the MCO. But it turned out, that I was happy and contented before because I know generally everyone else is doing fine. I know that even though I love being at home, minding my own business, the others are enjoying their life outside, working or hanging out. I thought I was self centred, but MCO makes me realize that I care about how others are doing.
I am worried about how would the others cope being stuck at home for weeks. It breaks my heart that there are people who can't feed their family because they can't go out to work. And here I am enjoying my solitude, with my salary is guaranteed. I really feel so bad about myself. Not to mention the possibility of the virus may be proliferated due to the disobedience of movement control by some people and the headlines as well as fake news about COVID-19 on social media. And that's when my anxiety kicked in. I could not be happy being at home anymore.
During the first week of MCO, almost every morning I woke up with the sense of anxiety, thinking of all negative possibilities that could happen that day. When I read the related news on social media, I felt a little bit difficulty in breathing. When it rained heavily, I was scared that it might cause flood. When I read the news of people still enjoying the time of their lives by going outside unnecessarily, I panicked. Even being alone did not recharge me like before. Until I decided to deactivate my FB account and left WA groups that always discussed about the virus. Only then, I felt that I could relax. Honestly, I believe that social media is one of the causes for mental disease in this modern era.
There you have it, alhamdulillah I managed to break free of my anxiety and I have started to enjoy again my homebody existence. Though I must say, I miss my early morning walk at the park alone and my solitary reflection by the beach, but this is a battle that has to be fought together. May Allah grant us strength and remove this virus as soon as possible, amin.